You don’t deserve what I’ve done to you. You are the only person who gives a damn and is willing to deal with all of my stupid fucking bullshit. I’m not anywhere near a man, I am still the same emotional, scared boy… I’m sorry it is apparently impossible for me to grow up and face these demons, and instead act jaded, self-deprecating, and hateful. And when you sat and listened and told me I would be alright and things would get better, I took it out on you instead of appreciating and thanking you for the unconditional love you gave me.
I hope you find it in your broken heart to forgive me. I am sorry for everything that I have done and for the way I have been acting. This is not what you deserve.
I used to worry about not going to school while all my friends did. Sometimes I still do. BUT what if I'm not supposed to go to school? Sure it'd help a lot in the future. But maybe I'm not meant to go to school. I'm slowly starting to enjoy the way my life is. It isn't perfect and sometimes it's hard but I've recently come to the realization that you need to just enjoy what you've got and roll with the punches. I'm not sure what you're going through but one day you'll get to the same place.TBC
I’m just a fuck up. I don’t know where my mind is and I pretty much hate myself. ha
I feel like I’m going absolutely nowhere. I don’t feel capable of doing anything worthy of anyone’s attention. All my friends are going to school and I’m starting to wonder if I’m making the right decision. I feel like I’m on a path that I don’t have the strength to walk on.
I kill myself over all these thoughts and I still feel like a useless fucking waste of space.
I’m going to go insane.
And it’s getting so hard to even save myself anymore.
Yeah, I wanted stars kinda going down my ankle onto my foot, but it was an amateur tattoo so the stars that I got, are kinda weird looking. I'm the only one that can tell though. But it drives me crazy. And, idk. There's a lot of things I've been wanting to get, but I don't want to do anything to drastic. I either want my stars fixed and shaded, or I want the word 'forever' really small on my right side a little above my rib cage.
I see, I see. I want to get more but I really don’t have the money right now haha the forever tat would be cool, but you should get your stars fixed first!
Nobody cares if you liked a band/something/this website before your friends/someone on the internet.
Because you may not realize this, someone liked/used whatever it is you are being pretentious about before you even knew it existed. That was alright to do in middle school and high school because you were a kid but it’s time to grow up now a little bit.
Now I’m gonna go listen to this band you’ve probably never heard of.
NOTE: I just read a piece written by Craig S. Jenkins at Potholes’ blog. There are many things Craig writes about that I agree with, I usually don’t comment on those and silently read them and nod. I guess that’s my fault. But his latest piece is on a topic that I couldn’t disagree with more…
I feel so out of place. I can’t seem to get up off the ground. A lot of my friends are moving away next week for school, moving on to the next chapter of their lives, and here I am, in the same place I was last year.
My self-deprecating doubt and jealousy of all my friends have both worn me down, and I don’t know what to do.